Whose Sport Is It?

I made a video about kids' sports and what we want our kids to play versus the sports they want to play. I got a lot of feedback, and there seemed to be many people who think too often the kid's sport is more about the parent than the kid. This happens. But where do we fit in? We’re the parents, we see the potential (or not), have a pretty good idea of our kid’s skill set and have a decent idea of what a particular sport involves. So, shouldn’t we have some input? Definitely. To a point. And that’s where the problems can arise. I’ve read that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert at something. Eight kids, basketball, football, soccer, tennis, track, volleyball and wrestling over 25 years. I’m doing the math and gonna say I’m an expert on the subject of kids and their sports. One fall soccer season we had 69 games to attend and we were coaching 16 of them. We were up front and center as we watched coaches deal with parents and kids, and sometimes were the coaches listening to the parents and their kids – mostly the parents. We did a really bad job in the beginning. Marty was a soccer player and “knew” that soccer was much safer and more athletic than football. So, none of our boys were going to play football. They all started soccer at about age 5. I was sure our five sons were destined to be basketball players, so we started them young, too. These were not pipe dreams. Marty played high school and college soccer. We are a tall family, my dad and brothers played college ball and my uncle played for the Pistons and 76ers back in the 60s. We knew what we were doing! It wasn’t a problem when our oldest were 5 and 7 – they were happy to make mommy happy. They swear I sent them to basketball camp in jeans and hiking boots. No. I. Didn’t. But it is possible that even then they were subliminally determined to sabotage my dreams by bringing those items in a bag and changing before camp began so they’d be overlooked as misfits. But that’s beside the point. Long story short, despite bribes, threats, over-priced high tops and who knows how much spent on gear, camps and school sports fees, three of our five sons quit basketball by the time high school came around. We had a family rule that the kids needed to play a minimum of two sports a year. They could choose the sports (and most of them played three, though there were years when time and finances didn’t allow for everything they wanted to do). We did this for many reasons including staying productively busy, being fit and healthy, teamwork, responsibility, fun, and we loved watching them. We also believe that for most sports, you need a certain level of skill if you want the option of playing in high school, which was when it was up to them to decide if and what they played. That being said, when our fifth son wanted to quit basketball during his 1st grade season, we didn’t let him. He hadn’t played long enough to know if he was going to like it. Just like we don’t tell our kids they don’t have to learn to read when they are struggling with what “ch” sounds like, we knew practice and experience make a big difference. Ethan ended up being the only one who played through high school. Our fourth son Isaac was still playing but had his basketball career derailed after quitting soccer and breaking his collar bone playing football. What?! Football? Yes. Isaac didn’t ask for much, but when he asked, he persisted, and finally convinced Marty to let him play football in middle school. Well, you know how this story ends. Middle school turned into high school and despite the broken collar bone, he loved every minute – and so did we. He ended up going out for track and field and found that he was pretty good at pole vaulting and running fast. Lucky him. It paid for college. After playing intramural college basketball for four years our third and tallest son, Truman, who was 6’8” by then, asked me why I let him quit basketball. If it had only been so as easy as telling him to keep playing. Does he not remember the tears? Connor and Jake decided they’d rather wrestle, play soccer and tennis and run track. So, what is the point of this story? You mean besides the fact even though we had far more injuries from soccer than football Marty still insists soccer is safer? We are the parents and do have lots of insights into our kid’s abilities and talents. It’s our job to provide opportunities, encouragement and support. Sometimes we have to tell our kids that they are going to finish something they started. These three things help: Set expectations up front. Whether it’s the number of sports, grades expected, if you start you finish, etc., it helps if everyone is on the same page. Be involved. Don’t just send them off. Go to games, practice with them when you can, coach if you have the ability (my ability ended at 4th grade soccer when I turned them over to the pros.) Don’t take it personally when they choose something else. We all did the same thing at some point. Either that or we’re still living at home. Good luck!